My son does not stay with me, typically because I travel a lot and it may not be very ideal to leave him in the house alone or in the care of a house help. I actually discussed with my parents and it seemed more logical for him to stay with them.
I find time when I am around to visit him while working, every once a month. So last week I took the opportunity of seeing him. It had been a while since the 1st of January, therefore approximately 29 days since I had last seen him. Being the apple of my eye does not make things easier for me since sometimes when I get a chance to see him, I sort of re-evaluate why am working and it makes me feel like quiting my job and being a fulltime mother, just to take care of him and cook for him, tuck him, read or tell him a story and kiss him every day before he . Sometimes it is really agonizing knowing that the only way you can provide for your child is the one source of income that you have.
It got me really thinking, I want to go back to school and do my Masters...in something rare, something that is sort after so that I can only work as a lecturer and/ or a consultant and have more time for my little boy, who by the way will not be little any more come two years from now.
It puts me in an awkward situation sometimes when he has to ask me to stay on with him. I have to explain to him always that I cant otherwise he might not have the holidays that he may want with me....but I know what every one of you will say, that he is right, he is right yes, but would it be fair to deny him the lifestyle that he has already? Would it be also just to be an idle mother and not get some work experience and exposure? Would it be worth it just to wake up one day and quit my only source of revenue and seek other avenue which by the way may just take a little effort to grow? Would it be?
Sometimes I just wonder....but wonder is all that it can be...
Let me know your thoughts :)
Monday, February 20, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Some questions I may not answer…as yet??
Schools close and I am excited just like any other parent to have my son at home, knowing the kind of schedule I have normally, this is a time I take off and make sure there is no travelling and that I will be spending time with him no matter what even if it means taking him to some of my field trips…for him it would be a trip so see Kenya and around Kenya.
This particular holiday was not an easy one, August school holidays, I didn’t have any special arrangements for him to go out but had ensured a visit by my niece who together with my son, are quite a pair to handle. Keeping in mind both of them are the only children, they can only consider each other as a brother and a sister, something that they have always said, my son being the elder and my niece the younger one. At some point when am out with them, I always introduce them as my children :-) Well back to today’s agenda….the questions that popped up last Holidays were those I had been fearing in quite a long time, I knew that time would come and I would have to answer some questions however difficult they may be.
Well, it was one of those days when you have a great day and that you ensure you have made all the necessary arrangements to ensure that the two are comfortable. Come evening, as I come from work….I find my son has not taken his usual birth and is insisting that I have to bath him…”for heaven’s sake your ten!”.. I quip. This did not deter him from insitisting that I am his mother and that as his mother once in a while he needs me to bath him…Okay, I of course throw in the towel not knowing the agenda….in the process this are some of the questions I have to encounter?
“Why don’t I have a brother or a sister?” “ Can’t you get another sister or brother so that I can have someone to play with? You know I get bored”….Okay Okay….I have to think quickly… “think think think…..” And voila…. “ You will get a brother or a sister when God’s time is right for you to get one…if He plans that you stay as an only child then so be it, ” What did I just say? In my head I am thinking hard if he bought that story or if will be pop up at some point!! Its scary..really it is.
I have actually thought of adopting a child so that he can have a playmate…honestly I have, but again, would it be fair to adopt a child who I may not be there for? And again what am I looking for when I adopt a child? Will my son take that child as their own brother? Then the “what ifs” on my side…start building….Am I just one scared mother trying to seek an exit strategy in the business of giving birth to my own children? Like really? Would it be worth it to lessen, even if by one, the number of homeless children who will be more than glad to have a parent to take care of them…..And in reality, that story I told him about God's timing, he didnt buy it, since that question still keeps popping up :-(
Unanswered questions…..many unanswered questions…just to mention but a few…there are worse I have had to deal with...and I can only spare them for another day..gotta rush, and tuck him to sleep...a routine we have since formed when he is around or when I go and visit him :-)
This particular holiday was not an easy one, August school holidays, I didn’t have any special arrangements for him to go out but had ensured a visit by my niece who together with my son, are quite a pair to handle. Keeping in mind both of them are the only children, they can only consider each other as a brother and a sister, something that they have always said, my son being the elder and my niece the younger one. At some point when am out with them, I always introduce them as my children :-) Well back to today’s agenda….the questions that popped up last Holidays were those I had been fearing in quite a long time, I knew that time would come and I would have to answer some questions however difficult they may be.
Well, it was one of those days when you have a great day and that you ensure you have made all the necessary arrangements to ensure that the two are comfortable. Come evening, as I come from work….I find my son has not taken his usual birth and is insisting that I have to bath him…”for heaven’s sake your ten!”.. I quip. This did not deter him from insitisting that I am his mother and that as his mother once in a while he needs me to bath him…Okay, I of course throw in the towel not knowing the agenda….in the process this are some of the questions I have to encounter?
“Why don’t I have a brother or a sister?” “ Can’t you get another sister or brother so that I can have someone to play with? You know I get bored”….Okay Okay….I have to think quickly… “think think think…..” And voila…. “ You will get a brother or a sister when God’s time is right for you to get one…if He plans that you stay as an only child then so be it, ” What did I just say? In my head I am thinking hard if he bought that story or if will be pop up at some point!! Its scary..really it is.
I have actually thought of adopting a child so that he can have a playmate…honestly I have, but again, would it be fair to adopt a child who I may not be there for? And again what am I looking for when I adopt a child? Will my son take that child as their own brother? Then the “what ifs” on my side…start building….Am I just one scared mother trying to seek an exit strategy in the business of giving birth to my own children? Like really? Would it be worth it to lessen, even if by one, the number of homeless children who will be more than glad to have a parent to take care of them…..And in reality, that story I told him about God's timing, he didnt buy it, since that question still keeps popping up :-(
Unanswered questions…..many unanswered questions…just to mention but a few…there are worse I have had to deal with...and I can only spare them for another day..gotta rush, and tuck him to sleep...a routine we have since formed when he is around or when I go and visit him :-)
Friday, January 6, 2012
I have been toying with the idea of sharing the life and days of a single mother and this year 2012 seems just the right time to do it... I have seen a lot in my 10.5years of being a mother and I believe this is just the right time to put everything together and share it out to not only encourage all of you out there who are not just single mothers, but single parents trying to give their children a decent lifestyle, everyday by sacrificing your time and working hard so that they can have a good life.
Being a single mother is not to me by choice, am not regreting it either since I have learnt with time to overcome the shame that society tags with being a single mother. In fact I am proud to be the mother of my 10.5year old son since I know that there aremany other who wish to have the same but have not. I would have wished to have a father for my son, but as it is, they can only talk once in a while. Being a single and working mum means that at times you may be forced to miss not only some of the precious moments that one can spend with your child/ren, since you have to ensure that you must work to enable them have a good life. At times I sit down and ask myself if it is really worth it to be away from home for at times 4 weeks, with little and limited phone conversation with my son and I wonder how he is feeling being away from me.
My job is not that friendly, it not only makes me unavailable when I am within but keeps me without most of the times....working and being a parent is not easy at times I am forced to advice young people to ensure they have time for their children and if they are going to be a globe trotting couple, then its better not to have their children then :). I try my best to be home for most of the special occasions and when I cant make it home, I have to make advance an apology and prepare him psychologically that I may or may not be available for that special occasions. The best thing with my job is that I get to travel therefore when he is on holiday and I have loval travel, he gets to tag along with me. Boring for a 10yr old as under normal circumstances he should be out playing in a football field...but yeah sometimes I am forced to.
A single and working parent is not the easiest to date, at times she has to choose between her job, child and the person s/he is dating, at times compromising too much and looking like they do not care a lot but hey, that is life, and the sad reality. If you asked me to choose between a man am dating and my son...am sure you would know the answer right? But it doesnt mean that single parent cannot date, they can, there are many limitations and some are just those you can avoid.
Well today I was just going through a general view of a life in a diary of a single mother...and/ or parent..next write up will be on specific areas that one undergoes as a single mother especially...my focus will not be on the male gender but specifically on the female gender...looking forward to your reads and comments, feel free to ask questions :)
Being a single mother is not to me by choice, am not regreting it either since I have learnt with time to overcome the shame that society tags with being a single mother. In fact I am proud to be the mother of my 10.5year old son since I know that there aremany other who wish to have the same but have not. I would have wished to have a father for my son, but as it is, they can only talk once in a while. Being a single and working mum means that at times you may be forced to miss not only some of the precious moments that one can spend with your child/ren, since you have to ensure that you must work to enable them have a good life. At times I sit down and ask myself if it is really worth it to be away from home for at times 4 weeks, with little and limited phone conversation with my son and I wonder how he is feeling being away from me.
My job is not that friendly, it not only makes me unavailable when I am within but keeps me without most of the times....working and being a parent is not easy at times I am forced to advice young people to ensure they have time for their children and if they are going to be a globe trotting couple, then its better not to have their children then :). I try my best to be home for most of the special occasions and when I cant make it home, I have to make advance an apology and prepare him psychologically that I may or may not be available for that special occasions. The best thing with my job is that I get to travel therefore when he is on holiday and I have loval travel, he gets to tag along with me. Boring for a 10yr old as under normal circumstances he should be out playing in a football field...but yeah sometimes I am forced to.
A single and working parent is not the easiest to date, at times she has to choose between her job, child and the person s/he is dating, at times compromising too much and looking like they do not care a lot but hey, that is life, and the sad reality. If you asked me to choose between a man am dating and my son...am sure you would know the answer right? But it doesnt mean that single parent cannot date, they can, there are many limitations and some are just those you can avoid.
Well today I was just going through a general view of a life in a diary of a single mother...and/ or parent..next write up will be on specific areas that one undergoes as a single mother especially...my focus will not be on the male gender but specifically on the female gender...looking forward to your reads and comments, feel free to ask questions :)
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