Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Diary of a Single Mother: Trying my level best...

Diary of a Single Mother: Trying my level best...: The few couple of times I have tried dating have been a disaster, either the guy has a problem with my kind of life style or I have a proble...

Trying my level best...

The few couple of times I have tried dating have been a disaster, either the guy has a problem with my kind of life style or I have a problem with his! And in most cases, I have had a lot of issues with their kind of lifestyle. Some things you can put up with but some, even if the heaven's came down is a NO-GO-ZONE. Being a single mum, is not easy, now when you want all my time,making it impossible for me to spend some time with my boy, then that is a problem right there. I am not saying its wrong to crave attention, no, its just wrong to try and get all the attention to yourself. Get it in your head, I have a son, time has to be divided, and when it comes to my son, he sort of becomes my priority. Call me a stubborn, big headed woman, I will accept the titles for now, but again I emphasize, there is no discussing time when it comes to my son, he will always come first. Anyway, that aside, back to the dating scene, I tried, and the last has just hit rock bottom and am beginning to think, perhaps am not just cut out for a relationship...no am not. I mean, who would want to have a woman who is never at home, cooks when they feel like, goes for what she believes in and last but not least speaks her mind. I have tried I tell you, even trying to ACT like the normal traditional African woman but, it just doesnt seem to be working noooo...its not! What to do? What to do?

1. Spend time with my son ( like I have always)

2.Live my life ( oh I ALWAYS will do!)

3. Go on dates ( like the Bachelorate- trust me I have no intentions of turning down any dates from now hence forth, I will go on all- of course if my schedule allows-lol- THIS IS NEW!!!)

4.Try out a new style of dressing- read decent not SLUTTY ( THIS IS NEW!!! As I always have that simple look, I am gonna add a little bit of oomph!to it!)

5. Scrutinize every tiny little details presented to me by any male individual ( I had stopped, now it will be back) Okay, easier written than done, let me be realistic. Why would I even go to extreme lengths to do all the above? Okay at least spending time with my son is great, that I will always put on top of my list.

But honestly, would I change my lifestyle just because? That is where most of us go wrong! Just today I was chatting with a friend of mine and I was honest enough to point out that I was dumped, and the reason I was dumped is because my now ex was seeing someone else? She was in shock! Trying to state that its just wrong for a guy to state that he is seeing someone else. But really, this is like what I have always thought it to be. I would term it as honesty, this is way better than finding out one day that he is seeing someone else and pretending to be dating me at the same time...that would kill me. But being told so, makes you feel free, light and ready to move on ( well I deleted his number and any contact that I could find so I can clearly move on) But still it makes one really know that the other party is no longer interested! Period! Its never easy to let go of what you knew so well, what you had put your efforts in but one thing is for sure, it was not for nothing, as a matter of fact it makes you a better person and above all, my policy statement, if he dumps you, its his loss not yours as you are worth much more!

As I am still thinking of how am not cut out for a relationship...other thoughts also pour in, perhaps am just too good and should stop being Miss Too Good and be a bad girl for once...( grinning) No I would have to change my whole outlook if I took up that role...so I just going to be me.....moving on to greater heights where I know it will only get tougher but I am already tough....as I am trying my level best :-)