New beginnings???

Well, life is interesting, even in all the hullabaloo of trying to discover things, you fall and stumble getting up in a whole different and totally different environment from your expectations. In short when you think that you have finally landed, you find that the landing ground was somewhat marshy and a swamp that could have drowned you, but learning to wad yourself, holding your breathe and struggling out of the somewhat paddy field of swampy water sometimes quick sandy, makes one emerge out stronger and with a clearer direction of what they seek to achieve and live. Missing in action, means action is happening....I finally finished my year one course work, am feeling achieved and refreshed with things happening extremely fast, not being planned, just happening. Exams out, project in! Phase two will be handled with a more relaxed and open mind. At least not much reading but applications which I have learnt so am not really worried. Anyway, that is that about my books...social life has been somewhat interesting..... I have always been one impatient person, okay, at least from what I have been told by a few people including my very own mother and especially son...who at times reminds me of myself when I was younger. Just the other day we were having a conversation before he started his exams on how he needs to go through his paper with care and slow pace! I remembered how I used to finish my exams such that by the time the teacher finished handing us examinations papers, I was already done...to their chagrin, all my answers always were right, okay perhaps 98% correct...if I took my time I would get 100% Okay, patience it a virtue am still praying to gain, slowly but surely I have been gaining it of late, only of late, lets say the past almost eight months or so...I have held it, and still putting it well within my grip. This time round, I do not want it to slip whatsoever, because, I have been taught, by one person, to be patient. Apart from my impatient nature, anger doubled it up!Impatient people are somewhat always angry people...I guess, from a personal experience...but well I am handling both very well nowadays. I guess when one grows and learns to trust at least those around them, the impatient nature sublimes and so does the anger. I am not conclusively stating that most impatient people are angry people, but one triggers the other, example, you meet me later than the agreed time, you will either find me gone or vexed up....BINGO...that is anger! Anyway, let me just say, with every human being, there comes a time in their lives,when the good Lord brings someone extra special who is able to just listen to them, understand them, hold them and hear them out while they least expect it! Especially those that you never have imagines or looked at! When they take time with them, they learn the patient and beauty of life, learn to control their anger and laugh a little bit more! They say you at times need to love and not be loved, be loved and not love back and love and be loved back to understand the true meaning of love and what it really feels and the lengths one can go to make things work ( not a one sided sacrifice), if true or just a passing cloud. I have thought about it for a while and I guess it time to give one a chance, love a try, one more time...hearts are to be broken or be forever taken care of...I guess this time it will be taken care of. I met my match and I think I have finally...hopefully, this will be the last match I have to meet!!!

Diary of a Single Mother: Drama is.....

Diary of a Single Mother: Drama is.....: Drama unfolds, but this one is more than drama. Not sure if it should have a different name from the drama. Lets just says, 2013 has flown.....

Drama is.....

Drama unfolds, but this one is more than drama. Not sure if it should have a different name from the drama. Lets just says, 2013 has flown....literary...its already September just the other day we were talking Christmas and arguing with my son on whether or not I should buy him clothes. Well don't give me that look, sometimes you cant just buy clothes because its Christmas, for him, every other day is Christmas, I buy him clothes so buying new ones last Christmas was a thing to discuss? Well maybe not.... But anyway, back to the drama or something of the sort,drama is when things happen unexpectedly, like the year 2013 reaching September without my knowledge? Is it that I have been too busy with my latest addiction till I forgot the dates? Okay I must admit, I have been home only 3 times this year, meaning I only got to see very little of my son. Okay and the few times he has come to my school. I must admit, cell phones have made life easier and I get to talk to him everyday or let me call it almost everyday. Drama is when your son calls you a month after you replaced his wardrobe to tell you that he needs new clothes since he has sort of added weight. Yes, I feel like I have gone back to that age when he was between 1-3 years when I could buy clothes and shoes every 3 months....this is what has become the conversation during the phone calls, shoes and clothes and description of which type of clothes and shoes are needed. Uhhm! He is about to enter his teenage, so am expected to know the fashion trends and be able to keep up so as not to buy clothes that he may never wear...now that is drama if you combine it with books.... Drama is trying to read,when you have a test tomorrow, and trying to be busy typing away, okay I have read and I needed a break so why not type it away? I love blogging or perhaps just typing stuff, it reduces my dramas a bit....trims them to an unacceptable level, a level I can manage....... Drama is trying to convince someone to juggle between watching TV ( 3 channels at the same time), typing and chatting...that is exactly what I am being subjected to at this particular moment. I am about to send a protest letter to the TV stations to avoid collusion of time with my favorite programs...how can I give up Churchill, a great comedy show for TPF6 another great form of entertainment the equivalent of American idol? Like really and Arsenal is playing? Plus I need to finish my test revision and still do one document review? Now that is a bigger drama....calculating....Prioritization? Key word...but what comes first in this case? A bit confusing!! Drama is just about to end this typing session because I have discovered, after a lot of soul searching, that it may not be so much my priority area right now...ooops! Cheers later...gotta run!

Diary of a Single Mother: Trying my level best...

Diary of a Single Mother: Trying my level best...: The few couple of times I have tried dating have been a disaster, either the guy has a problem with my kind of life style or I have a proble...

Trying my level best...

The few couple of times I have tried dating have been a disaster, either the guy has a problem with my kind of life style or I have a problem with his! And in most cases, I have had a lot of issues with their kind of lifestyle. Some things you can put up with but some, even if the heaven's came down is a NO-GO-ZONE. Being a single mum, is not easy, now when you want all my time,making it impossible for me to spend some time with my boy, then that is a problem right there. I am not saying its wrong to crave attention, no, its just wrong to try and get all the attention to yourself. Get it in your head, I have a son, time has to be divided, and when it comes to my son, he sort of becomes my priority. Call me a stubborn, big headed woman, I will accept the titles for now, but again I emphasize, there is no discussing time when it comes to my son, he will always come first. Anyway, that aside, back to the dating scene, I tried, and the last has just hit rock bottom and am beginning to think, perhaps am not just cut out for a relationship...no am not. I mean, who would want to have a woman who is never at home, cooks when they feel like, goes for what she believes in and last but not least speaks her mind. I have tried I tell you, even trying to ACT like the normal traditional African woman but, it just doesnt seem to be working noooo...its not! What to do? What to do?

1. Spend time with my son ( like I have always)

2.Live my life ( oh I ALWAYS will do!)

3. Go on dates ( like the Bachelorate- trust me I have no intentions of turning down any dates from now hence forth, I will go on all- of course if my schedule allows-lol- THIS IS NEW!!!)

4.Try out a new style of dressing- read decent not SLUTTY ( THIS IS NEW!!! As I always have that simple look, I am gonna add a little bit of oomph!to it!)

5. Scrutinize every tiny little details presented to me by any male individual ( I had stopped, now it will be back) Okay, easier written than done, let me be realistic. Why would I even go to extreme lengths to do all the above? Okay at least spending time with my son is great, that I will always put on top of my list.

But honestly, would I change my lifestyle just because? That is where most of us go wrong! Just today I was chatting with a friend of mine and I was honest enough to point out that I was dumped, and the reason I was dumped is because my now ex was seeing someone else? She was in shock! Trying to state that its just wrong for a guy to state that he is seeing someone else. But really, this is like what I have always thought it to be. I would term it as honesty, this is way better than finding out one day that he is seeing someone else and pretending to be dating me at the same time...that would kill me. But being told so, makes you feel free, light and ready to move on ( well I deleted his number and any contact that I could find so I can clearly move on) But still it makes one really know that the other party is no longer interested! Period! Its never easy to let go of what you knew so well, what you had put your efforts in but one thing is for sure, it was not for nothing, as a matter of fact it makes you a better person and above all, my policy statement, if he dumps you, its his loss not yours as you are worth much more!

As I am still thinking of how am not cut out for a relationship...other thoughts also pour in, perhaps am just too good and should stop being Miss Too Good and be a bad girl for once...( grinning) No I would have to change my whole outlook if I took up that role...so I just going to be me.....moving on to greater heights where I know it will only get tougher but I am already tough....as I am trying my level best :-)

Diary of a Single Mother: Some questions I may not answer…as yet??

Diary of a Single Mother: Some questions I may not answer…as yet??: Schools close and I am excited just like any other parent to have my son at home, knowing the kind of schedule I have normally, this is a ti...

Diary of a Single Mother: Another one of those days....

Diary of a Single Mother: Another one of those days....: My son does not stay with me, typically because I travel a lot and it may not be very ideal to leave him in the house alone or in the care o...

Little dramas....

Sometimes one just to get naughty and that is exactly what I have been feeling like of late. Trying to get myself in between my books and my social life has been the worst case scenario, its like trying to squeeze water out of a stone! Let me give you some crazy scenario minus that one of squeezing water out of a stone...

1. You have assignments and want to just rest a bit so that you can wake up fresh to embark on the due diligence, instead when you close your eyes, all you can see are those assignment needless to say, they are not like a lullaby but a nightmare! You cant sleep, yet your eyes are begging to you to take a rest...so what do to?

2. You plan the week so well, such that you even know quite well what you will be doing and at what time, what happens, what happens, you end up doing the complete opposite, well, still end up doing what you intended to do, but in the reverse manner and why? Take for example the assignments, say they are to be handed in next week and because you pissed off the lecturer, he decided that next week is like a century away and needed the assignment like tomorrow morning, the same morning you are to hand in another one which of course, Kenyan style, is being done, last minute rush. Take into account, you had 4 weeks to complete it and kept postponing it...yes, postponing is the word I have used. Postponing is a word that can bring disaster, in such cases as that stated above! That is when, the sleep decides to come, when you don't need it, you even try the coffee move and the feet-in-cold-water basin stride which all seemingly are failing you...What to do?

3.You want to go out and have a bunch of deadline, the opportunity cost of going out vis-a-vis finishing what really brought you into that position you are in.....what to do? I tell you my brother, that has been me the past few weeks...and I forgot, despite having a one week break during the election period, you not only benefit from sleepless nights like you were also vying but also the rising pressure that was building then...what happened, only a few chapters read, instead of the many that were targeted....what to do?

But I have learnt that despite all these, one has to set ultimatum otherwise you become disillusioned and confused, like I see in some during the kind of stage I have reached, I was alerted that by now I should have unkempt hair...well, at least mine is neat so I know am sane, sane enough to at least finish this blog, not sure if it makes sense though but am glad I wrote it anyway...it has released some tensions that I had built over the past few weeks...and by the way, when I started out writing, I had no intentions of writing what I wrote, I had a clearly laid down structure, of what I will write about, which topic...but no, that did not happen!

But all in all, perhaps one day I will write and share with you what I was to write today, if it will come just as spontaneously as what I did today....trust me its juicy stuff, only perhaps my head was not so sure if it is the right time to share it......

Unwinding.....

Aha! At last semester one is over! I have a slight headache over kesho's beginning of semester and what for? I just saw the timetable over the weekend and this is after an exam...I haven't even taken a rest...but wait havent I also been watching movies? Now I am seeing the reason why the headache is there...na sikukunywa chai asubuhi! Aiii blame it on my lunje roots, I will seek further instructions before I sleep later today on how to keep it away...though I have literally taken care of the tea issue plus now, I am no longer watching telly and have resorted to listening to music instead for the rest of this week till Thursday! I have heard 1001 stories and theories...anyway that is a story for another day...back to my headache. Yes, I am currently typing away with one so do not blame me for any typos I may make. Today, I decided I will just type, type whatever comes to mind since I want to release my tension, my fears perhaps...fear of....I don't know what but yes just one of those days. Maybe its the reason for my headache...okay I am so trying to get to the root of it all, but it seems not to be working. Period of unwinding, I am chatting with a friend right now who happens to be making my evening, and trust me my headache is kinda reducing because of all the laughing, perhaps I needed to laugh a bit...am now wondering kwani I haven't laughed today? Or maybe I haven't? Today am blank....never have been...maybe tomorrow I will have energy to write the theories as for now, let me nurse my now sightly reduced headache...I need some milk and then sleep...no let me do hot chocolate..then I will be good to sleep over the headache and wake up head clear for econometrics! Yes, I have 4 hours of econometrics tomorrow. Now come to think of it, this headache started when I went through the timetable.....let me then sleep so I can relax for tomorrow's class but trust me I will give you some interesting stuff that went down...from this guy who speaks great English and claims to be illiterate? What is the meaning of illiterate again? To one who drank his favorite drink, "mala" or fermented milk...wah! This one made my Friday...but let me keep this till tomorrow....yes tomorrow, I will let be back to my normal self and will be writing things that make a lot of sense. I just hope I wont regret, tomorrow, when reading through this one that I am just about to finish....eish blame the headache!!! Which now by the way, is gone, gone, gone...I can see some light at the end of the tunnel...goodnight peeps!

God sent me an angel today......

Diary of a Single Mother: God sent me an angel today......: Today was a slow day for me, despite waking up early to somewhat trigger the feeling that its the start of the week. I still stayed on my co...

God sent me an angel today......

Today was a slow day for me, despite waking up early to somewhat trigger the feeling that its the start of the week. I still stayed on my couch lazing about figuring out why I should really wake up! Its a weekend, plus the previous day I had a very full-filling day. The full part being I had put my all into my books and was speaking gibberish mathematical economics by the the time it was 2200 hours. I tried watching a movie which I quarter way dozzed off. That is how badly am doing in terms of watching movies. Two times this week, I have tried to watch a movie that did not even go past 30 minutes and I was already asleep. I was beginning to think that either the movies were just boring or...I was just tired. But noooo, it was not the fatigue, fatigue or not I still watch movies, so I have concluded that the movies I have tried to watch this week are boring. Not to mention titles were Flight and Skyfall. Stop laughing, I know what youre thinking, that I was just tired and I dozzed off! Okay, let me admit, I have somewhat managed to clear those two off my list and now struggling with Loopers, I cant even remember how it started! I have another story of which I have to write about...but I will save it for another date and time, this one is special and deserves all the attention! Anyway, yeah,my morning was lazy, having have slept in my full days outfit, that enough can tell you how it must have been. I finally woke up, not because I wanted but "my"cleaning lady had arrived and this one I had no choice but to wake up anyway. I put my in quotes because she was just referred by a friend after a disappointing trying to get one! Do you know how agonizing it can be to keep telling someone to do A, then B then C...? I have only been here a month but being a new year and a new month, I finally decided to try out the one who was referred! God must have known what I needed as she is good I tell you, I did not have to mention to her what to do! Now this is what you call someone who wants to work! She cleaned everything and am sure it is just by luck that she could not clean me! All in all, I must say she gave me the energy to wake up and actually sit and as I watched her do her work, with a smile on her face and her little girl seated next to me. I said a little prayer for her, for Hod to give her the energy to be able to meet the needs to her daughter. She has a clean heart...and for that I called my friend and thanked her! Without her, I would not have her! Lets see how far we can take each other...but the little time I spent with her today just seeing what she is doing, I would say she is an Angel sent from above...they say Angels live in heaven and have wings, this one, God sent her on earth to sort out people like me...and for that am all smiles and thanking God!

Diary of a Single Mother: Re-construction time....

Diary of a Single Mother: Re-construction time....: Well, many months have passed...and yes I admit I have not been one of the best in terms of keeping up with this blog. I have tried, at time...

Diary of a Single Mother: Twisted minds.....

Diary of a Single Mother: Twisted minds.....: This was to be published last year...it might have been one of those days! Well ave been off for quite a while now as I have had a crazy t...

Twisted minds.....

This was to be published last year...it might have been one of those days! Well ave been off for quite a while now as I have had a crazy travel schedule from within Kenya to DRC and now Lusaka.

Out of the 3 places, DRC was one of my most exciting places where I saw a real array of mixed characters which I would not really complain off as they were quite entertaining. Day one I reached the airport and they give out the entry visa papers which happened to be written in French. Well I guessed later on that for visitor like me who have little or no knowledge of french whatsoever, it meant that one would have to employ ( literally) someone to help in its translation, either in their local language ( some sort of Swahili intermarried with French and Lingala) which makes it very difficult to understand and/ or either English if you're lucky to get someone who can at least speak the good or broken one.

Being a lady only made my work easier and most of the Airport officials are men, therefore meant that I could take advantage of the whole situation and yes was lucky enough to have got some guy who not only knew English but the Congolese Swahili which isn't so hard to understand anyway. The drama began when I was told the guy who signs for the visas is not in and I was asked to leave the airport without my passport and come back for it the next day. I was not going to hear any of that story of going and coming back to airport, already I had bought breakfast for two people and parted with USD 20 in the name of greasing their elbows to have my things done fast enough! And trust me they were done fast, only in a slow motion way, but according to the local standard, it was fast, really fast. I stayed at the airport for almost two hours. If there was a plane that took of from Nairobi from the time I landed they would have arrived by then and got me still waiting! That was not good, not good at all. So we finally agree to have my passport photocopied and a note written and stamped indicating that I was legally in that country.And from there henceforth, I stayed two days without my passport, only consolation being I had the other papers.This is a country that you will talk to a guy now and in a spun of two minutes that guy does not know you and you never met him...therefore just to cover my back, I ensured I had at least evidence that I left my passport. On my way out of the airport, it was interesting to notice that the culture here is just dancing, whether or not there is some music ( please note that I tried looking for the source of the music, whether earphones or headphones...and there was zero) Forgive my English for now, I am still trying to get a hang of the language here which is totally interfering with my norm!

Day one: Arrival Hotel ( I am not sure the name since the one I had been advised I had been booked in somehow changed to the one I was booked in at that moment!) Being me, I only paid for one night and thanked God for Google maps. I realized there were quite a number of hotels on the same street as to where I was staying!

Day two: Assignment check out of hotel ( no name given, not even on the receipt) I finally got to another hotel which was more like God sent! Home away from home, pricey by worth the stay. Needless to stay, if you go to Congo, be wary very wary of these guys, you have to be cunning to get your way round, speak bad Swahili and pretend to love Lingala, if you know French you'll be the luckiest person ever! It's a great place to be either way :-)...ohh and I accomplished my mission, what sent me there!

Re-construction time....

Well, many months have passed...and yes I admit I have not been one of the best in terms of keeping up with this blog. I have tried, at times even diarising that I will be blogging within the course of a week and failing. No, do not look at me with those eyes, do not victimize me, at times, time flies and getting hold of it is a story to be told during a different set up and given audience. Ok, let me now justify my actions....now am feeling guilty... Anyway, the past few months have been full of not only drama for me but experiences that I will live to tell my great grand children as bedtime stories. Not only did I learn that patience and humiliation can be really hard to have but also learnt and spared sometime to keep them as the best of my friends. Dealing with one thing and then another different thing pops up can be frustrating but I learned to deal with it. I finally settled in with my books, so far so good, I will not complain that I am seeing too many figures and ending up calculating them no, I will not but somehow, I am end up seeing a lot of these and I think I have been working out my brain with mathematical stuff. I am used now. I guess you now partly understand why I haven't been seen here. So far am loving what I am doing and I have no regrets whatsoever! When I started out I thought I chose the wrong course but along the line I realized that God could have put me here for no reason, He could have allowed me to even enter that class for no reason. I got challenges but I overcame them and for what? For a reason...they made me a stronger person and made me more focused to what I wanted to achieve. About 7 weeks into the program, I broke my leg, imagine, two hairline fractures! Ask me how it happened? I fell, yes I fell, but the fall was no ordinary fall, I fell sat on my foot and yeah it had hit a stone. I almost cried out loud asking God why it was happening to me. I was still trying to adjust where I had moved and settled in as I did my due diligence as a student. Trust me, it was not a walking distance. Through His grace, I never missed a class, I attended all without fail. Problem sometime would be the concentration due to the pain. Sometimes I would wish more the class to end so I could head home and rest my foot! Somehow I managed. Christmas and new year were low profile for me, not only because I could not move out but also partly because I have exams to think about.I took a break today, a few minutes ago so I could update my diary...one day I will read through it and thank God for giving me the strength to write it as it gives me the energy and direction as to to who I am, where I have been, where I am going and where I want to be..... It might have been the toughest of year last year...but it started well and am looking forward!