My son does not stay with me, typically because I travel a lot and it may not be very ideal to leave him in the house alone or in the care of a house help. I actually discussed with my parents and it seemed more logical for him to stay with them.
I find time when I am around to visit him while working, every once a month. So last week I took the opportunity of seeing him. It had been a while since the 1st of January, therefore approximately 29 days since I had last seen him. Being the apple of my eye does not make things easier for me since sometimes when I get a chance to see him, I sort of re-evaluate why am working and it makes me feel like quiting my job and being a fulltime mother, just to take care of him and cook for him, tuck him, read or tell him a story and kiss him every day before he . Sometimes it is really agonizing knowing that the only way you can provide for your child is the one source of income that you have.
It got me really thinking, I want to go back to school and do my Masters...in something rare, something that is sort after so that I can only work as a lecturer and/ or a consultant and have more time for my little boy, who by the way will not be little any more come two years from now.
It puts me in an awkward situation sometimes when he has to ask me to stay on with him. I have to explain to him always that I cant otherwise he might not have the holidays that he may want with me....but I know what every one of you will say, that he is right, he is right yes, but would it be fair to deny him the lifestyle that he has already? Would it be also just to be an idle mother and not get some work experience and exposure? Would it be worth it just to wake up one day and quit my only source of revenue and seek other avenue which by the way may just take a little effort to grow? Would it be?
Sometimes I just wonder....but wonder is all that it can be...
Let me know your thoughts :)
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